Thank You For Your Thoughts!

June 24th, 2010Posted by Ali

I would like to thank each and every one of you for reading my thoughts. Your comments are appreciated.

I work long hours in a job that pays my bills. I raise my hormonal 12 year old son who doesn’t like school and amazingly never ever gets homework, I try to fin time after he sleeps to create my mosaic art and also write my thoughts mostly before bed.

Lately I’ve been playing with my thought process. I’ve been breaking my billions of thoughts each day down trying to make sense of what they are, or what they’re for. I’ve learnt that as a woman, I seem to have so many irrelevant thoughts, things come in to my head that really don’t matter, they’re certainly not important, life threatening, fascinating or clever, so why do I waste so much time thinking stupid things!? It has me baffled for now but I am controling them more and more by simply dismissing them and filling myself up with nothingness…it’s very liberating!

Each time I bust myself thinking something that’s wasting my brain power or precious moment, I pop it like a balloon and it disappears, (yes, it is that simple, we are all simple creatures, so what do you expect!) I decided that I would rather have clear, clean moments of just being, rather than moments where my brain won’t shut up, I think women might be naturally born slightly schizophrenic. Most of us let our thoughts control our lives, as in, our forever fearful, doubting or worrying thoughts. Let them all go, you truly don’t need them. Deal with what you have to deal with then dismiss it like a strict head mistress or head master of an elite private school for only the highly disciplined.

I have found that by not worrying, there is no energy feeding a so called problem, besides, in the long run, we see that things were never really a problem as they all eventually get worked out…there are only solutions, so learn to hush it, zip it, shut it and listen to the peace.

When I have a thought, I now either let it stay for a bit until I work out why it has popped into my head, or I simply and instantly (maybe arrogantly) throw it out. I am in charge of me…and my brain, so it’s my way, all the way.

I like writing how I speak, naturally and directly, that’s why I also enjoy reading the comments you post, you reply without thinking as you already know how my thoughts have made you feel, it is you writing your thoughts back to me, quick and easy.

Now, all I have to do is ask my darling dad how I reply to your comments…..don’t worry….I will find the time! Now, off with your head!

Compliments!

June 24th, 2010Posted by Ali

When I look at somebody….and I mean really look, I see something quite wonderful about them. I don’t mean to but I do. Even the most awkward or unhappy, angry or physically not up to standards of society I manage to see something in them or about that that to me, is evident, even if it is something small.

Too often we get caught up in what we are supposed to look like, act like, be like, live like or we all wanna be something we’re not, or never will be!

Why do so many people, especially the younger ones, want to be someone else? Is it praise individually enough? Maybe it’s because we simply don’t tell our children, or our family, or our friends just how wonderful, unique, talented, special, beautiful, handsome, kind, warm, funny, intelligent, etc they are. Maybe we don’t stop to say, “Hey, you are quite remarkable!”

I know I get so caught up in my moments that sometimes I don’t stop and tell my family, especially my son, just how incredible he is in his unique ways. He needs me more than he needs anybody. His love is unconditional towards me, as mine is to him.

Maybe we all have to prioritize our little special moments to create even more. It will certainly make us happy which in turn creates even a lighter feeling within self.

I only say a compliment if I mean it, I believe you should always be genuine when complimenting, we can all tell when it’s not anyway, so save your breath until you mean what you say.

It amazes me though as most of the time the person I compliment will slap it back in my face and say “no, no”, especially the women, but I know that they walk away secretly smiling and feeling better than before they spoke to me. I see such beauty and colour through my eyes. I often wonder what it would be like to look through somebody else’s eyes and see how or what they see, I would love to have that ability. I don’t think any of us see exactly the same, so therefor it seems that we really are all from our own worlds, each creating our own realities.

I love people watching, I can go anywhere and just watch people parade past me all day. I actually look and see their features, outfits, wigs, nostrils, I mean everything. I don’t think many people do this.

Take for instance how many times you hear that witnesses say the person was Caucasian, about 5 ft 10, brown hair……how many people fit into that description? Millions!

The other day, mum and I were talking to a woman, I was horrified when she stated that she couldn’t tell the difference between Asian people or black people. I instantly fired up and made her listen to herself and what she was actually saying. I basically told her to look at their face and see how different they all look. (Just for the record so I don’t get grounded for a week, Mum agreed with me of course!)

I confidently say that I’m an observant person, I generally don’t miss a beat….most of the time, I just choose not to say anything as I can’t be bothered talking to idiots, so I just sit back and watch. But I have come to the realization that most people don’t actually see or take notice. I find that quite impersonal, but hey, that’s only my opinion and my opinion is neither right nor wrong.

Just have fun and see all of the colour and detail around you, it actually makes you smile….and when you truly think something nice, say it, as you’ll make someones day! But hey, again, don’t listen to me, do what you want!

Smile, cause I’m sure it’s beautiful!

Is It Real?

June 16th, 2010Posted by Ali

As humans why do we worry so much about nothing?….Or anything?……Or something?….I never quite understand how the mechanics of life work, so after thinking about it and realising at this exact moment that even my thoughts don't mean anything, I laughed!

Thoughts are like a wheel and just keep going around and around and around, jumbled thoughts, or too many thoughts are exhausting. So, I then just shut up. I force myself to STOP…I put on the brakes…. screeeeech.. and I sit in silence….ahhhh….the peace and relaxation that washes over me is incredible. I actually feel my body relax. I feel my shoulders go back down to their normal position. How long have I been walking around so tense for? Do I often get like this? Do I get like this when I simply think too much? Or when I'm tired? Is this feeling real?

We all get stressed, I know I get stressed when I get tired…or when I stupidly and courageously challenge myself, but I see life as a game, or a book…we each have our own life to live…to play, to act out, to direct, to remember. So if nothing is real, why do we stress? It's so silly, surely we can't all be that stupid!!? Oh wait, yes, yes we are, we are humans!

Sometimes I get headaches, I don't know why but they seem to only come on when I don't drink enough water or I stress.

Yes, I know I am human but I thought I was more powerful as infinite energy…or something like that…so then why am I so dumb? Ohhh, that's right, I am human, in a human body, with a human brain! And that brain can be such an annoying part of our story sometimes, it's like that really annoying person you know that never listens and only talks, it gives you a headache! 

But we still don't get it. We walk around not knowing what we are supposed to do.

We work in jobs we really don't enjoy.

We have unhappy relationships/marraiges/families and friends, sometimes we all just want to run away and hide, I know I do, so where is the peace?

On my lunch break today, I sat in my car doing nothing, for a whole hour, I thought I did nothing…but I actually found peace. I switched my thoughts of 'to do lists' off in my head and just quietly sat watching the breeze blowing the leaves.

I watched and listened to the birds singing and enjoying the swaying of the branches in this same breeze.

I watched people go about their personal business while this same breeze blew their hair around annoying them, (I found that amusing and smiled).

I watched a piece of paper flying and swirling gently through the air whipped up from somewhere from this same breeze.

My conclusion? Perhaps we are the breeze, always creating movement around us, swirling through life, traveling here and there, or stuck in a corner like a little whirlwind twisting around and around like that wheel of stress but never quite getting anywhere…each of us create our own wind speed and direction.

Nothing and everything is real, but it all means the same, we just live, accomplish something, then instantly move on to the next something, we don't stop enough to have a celebration, to bask in the beauty around us, the peace that is always around us, surrounding us, or within us…even a mini round of applause would be nice sometimes, but I still don't get why we even bother to stress? Nothing's real, so now relax, ahhhh…feel your shoulders and body go back down to their normal position and let your thoughtless energy swirl around, pick up speed and take you to places of where nothing means anything but something to you!

Remember, nothing is real….or is it?!

If you say “Be Patient”, I Will Scream!

June 1st, 2010Posted by Ali

If one more person tells me to be patient….or…..tells me that things will come when it's the right time, I will scream…..which I do in a silent way within myself anyway, but I will be tempted to scream out loud…ok, I probably won't actually do it, but geez I'll be tempted to!

Have you noticed that people who say this generally have what you are waiting for, or wanting; like a baby, a partner, their own home, travel money and tickets ready to go, a good pay, the weight target you want, food, money for bills, a nice car, the list goes on and on…and on and is so personal for each human…it doesn't matter what it is, most people don't realise what they already have, appreciation is so important, take a look around you and smile, it doesn't mean you don't want something else or more though does it!

We all want more than we have. This varies from person to person, but it's all still relavant for that person, for that moment. All of our wants and needs are different and still important to us.

I'm not the most patient person at the best of time as I want my wants now. I also realise that most things DO come when or if the timing is right, but that doesn't stop me getting cranky when people tell me to 'be patient'…..uugghh, it drives me mental.

I also realise that just because we want something, doesn't necessarily mean we'll get it, no matter how hard we try. For exampIe, I couldn't go out right now and become a super model /  astronaut, with naturally curly hair and smaller feet, some things just aren't possible. But when something makes you smile and you know it's right for you, then go for it! At least you've tried to make your dream and wants a reality for you.

We all want, want, want, and if it's genuinely realistic enough to get, go get it, just remember, nothing's free, nothing's easy and everything comes with a price.

Yep, it's an unfair planet but we don't have to be patient, we just have to be adamant, focused, work harder and not give up….well, ok, maybe give up if it's killing you…or if it's killed you already, but that's only if you want to, or if you're already dead, but other than that, you know you've done your best trying.

Just be yourself and follow your heart as best you can, or better!!! Come on, try harder to hit your target, without injuring yourself or others of course…or animals, leave the animals out of this! We certainly don't need more patients!!! Ha!!!

Patiently I am trying to be patient!!!

Simplicity Costs Nothing!

May 24th, 2010Posted by Ali

When you truly find happiness, you will see that in most cases it costs nothing. Most people simply want love and peace. Money comes and goes, laughter, smiles, good company and positive thoughts cost nothing. I think too many times we get caught up in situations that demand so much of our time, energy and money that we forget that simplicity is good for our health and well being.

I often watch people and notice that in most cases, older couples no longer hold hands, actually, I get shocked when I do see this. Yet it's the free giving of your affection and love that means so much more than anything else. Maybe it's come a time in this world that we really come back down to basics to appreciate whole heartedly what we do have, and the peace we do have, and the love that surrounds us from all different angles.

How many times when you grew up that your parents, or guardians, demanded you eat all of the food on your plate as there were starving children who would die for that food? Well, it's true in a way, even eating should be appreciated I guess, but how does that affect us? Is someone else's life who we don't know our problem? I try not to think about such sad thoughts and disagree with force feeding, there are too many heavy people walking around so sad and lost now, so why overfeed anyway? Most women think they're fat and don't eat, or eat in public. Whereas many fat women love their food and don't see themselves as fat…..I find that fascinating and funny! As long as you genuinely love yourself, nothing means anything, so if you love food, eat it, if you starve yourself purposely, you will suffer the health risks in the name of vanity. Thank goodness I love most vegetables as mum hasn't had to ask twice about asking me to finish them, but if she did and I wanted the ice-cream, I would gobble down the last part. Anyway, everything we take for granted should be appreciated. We are all lucky in some way. We just have to stop, take a good look around us and smile…..as smiling costs nothing!

Drats, it's 12:15am and too late for a bowl of ice-cream!

Always a tradeoff!

May 19th, 2010Posted by Ali

Most women these days are ball breakers and more aggressive than men. I am a true girly girl with a soft heart and know that not many women these days actually appreciate heart, it's all about the dollar!

Yes we all want to feel secure, but if these women are so damn adamant on wanting money, they can get off their beautified asses and make it themselves. Do they realise how many thousands of hours of very hard work it takes to accumulate big amounts of money? I don't think so, as most either don't want to work, think they are too good to work or have a medium job but spend their wages trying to look like they have money. We all want money, but there’s always a trade off.

I used to shuffle love aside and only focus on money, (must be the Capricorn in me), but I suddenly stopped one day and thought, ‘If I don’t have love, will having just money bring me happiness?’ Of course not!

Of course we all need money in this world and on this planet for freedom, fun and privacy. You can live without worrying where your next dollar is coming from, you can eat, you can have a roof over your head, you can help family, you can pay bills, you can travel, pamper youself and mostly importantly not stress, so I figure, money is actually good for your health!!!

Money is a positive thing and any one who says the old cliche statement, "Money isn't everything", is lying. Obviously they just haven't got the spark to work for it, but truth be known, we all want it and all play hypotheticals, or daydream about being rich.

Most of us work long hours to pay our bills, in jobs we really don’t enjoy. We dread the alarm going off and live for our days off. So how do we get paid for what we love to do?  Easy, follow your dreams and don’t give up, as I’ve said before, one dream leads to another, then to another, then to another, it’s always offering new paths for us to skip along.

Don’t give up! Persevere and practice to live out your passions as they then become your reality, like I said, there is a price for everything. Nothing will ever run smoothly, that’s just the way this crazy planet works and regardless what anyone says, it is based on money! So do what you love and keep moving towards what you love doing, the money will follow when you believe in yourself and have an idea that the world accepts, as this is your heart.

If you believe in your heart, the world believes in you. It’s easy to make people spend their money, you just have to be willing to offer your soul to the world for it to own! I warned you, there was a tradeoff!!! Nothing comes free in this world…nothing!!! 

Love Yourself!

May 19th, 2010Posted by Ali

To walk through this life not loving yourself must be so hard and confusing. People must feel so lost and so helpless.

I'm lucky as I've genuinely had a very happy childhood filled with lots of love, support, creativity and laughter. Mum and dad have always encouraged me to be myself and to be brave enough to try a variety of things, as one thing leads to another, which leads to another, this never ends, so by the time you know what feels good in your heart, or what's right for you, you've also learnt to much about what makes you happy.

I used to wonder what we all searched for, now I know the simple answers, which are to find 'self' and the love of another who also sees you and loves you unconditionally for who you are. It doesn't matter how loved you are by another, if you truly don't accept yourself, warts and all, you are missing out on so much sunshine and happiness, forever punishing yourself for no reason which pushes your romantic love away and breaks their heart.

If this life is a game, why are we all so hard on ourselves?

Why can't we just live our own life and find the happiness in each moment.

It is a new moment, look in the mirror and see your beauty as there is nobody like you in this universe.

Give it a Go!

May 4th, 2010Posted by Ali

I really am a true old fashioned romantic! The smallest of gestures, actions, smiles and words go a long way with me, I notice and appreciate all a man does and says.

I actually get tummy flips and get very shy in a girly way and feel like a giggling idiot.

Since I can remember, I have ached and craved for true love but have blocked it from entering my life always. Why? I have no idea! Stupid huh?!

But I have just now opened my heart for the first time and what a superb feeling I have in my heart, knowing now that it is time for me to share all about myself.

So often we crave for something yet block it, it's not different to starting a new creative project, there's a blank canvas or sheet or paper, or a blob of clay, it's not until you naturally open yourself up and trust yourself that you start creating your visions and cravings into reality.

Give it a go, anything you crave that's good for your heart, give it a go, you'll be pleasantly surprised at what appears before you!

Go for the Crazy ideas

April 30th, 2010Posted by Ali

Sometimes I have the most crazy thoughts and ideas. If I voiced them all, I'd surely be taken away in a straight jacket and locked up.

My ideas and thoughts are natural to me though, natural to me and for me, so how can anyone judge my life, decisions or actions? In my eyes, they have no right to.

Most people live safe lives, not wanting to be more noticed than they have to be, or not wanting put in more effort than needed to be successful. Very few people acknowledge their wild ideas for they fear ridicule, disappointment and more hard work.

We can rest at a later date, entertain your mind by allowing bizarre thoughts to take place..it just takes one flash to process into a thought, which turns into an idea which fuels your heart to be more of who you really are.

Whether I sink or swim is my business, but at least I would have tried making my crazy ideas a reality.

Some may work, some may not, it really doesn't matter, we all die anyway….and I will die happy knowing that I have unique, crazy thoughts and ideas that I toyed with, tried, failed in, succeeded and loved doing.

Unblock the Blocks

April 27th, 2010Posted by Ali

I don't want to be an old woman laying in bed regretting not living more, regret not trying harder, or being braver, taking more risks, trying new things, (even if people think I'm stupid or crazy),I want to be more, much more of me before I am that old woman.

I don't want to regret anything in my short life. Time moves too quickly, especially now, I truly think that it has accelerated, actually, I'm convinced time now has turbo power!

My questions are:

- Why do we always have to be patient and wait for what we know would be right for us?

- Why are there so many stupid and unnecesary blocks in life? Are they blocks? Or just annoying but easy challenges?

Maybe we are the only ones who see these blocks, as when we talk things through with other people, such as family, friends, or even strangers, most of the time, they never quite see what we feel, so is it just fear that makes us put up invisible blocks?

So maybe I should be regretting not kicking down these blocks earlier that I may have put there myself? I'm not an old woman so why fear my moments now?

Where's that god damn sledge hammer??? There blocks are going down!